My mother and I have an unusual relationship. Due to revolting childhood, I divorced my mother when I was 22. We had no contact of any sort until I was 30. I am now 35 and we are in a much healthier relationship but when you couple her personality with my core schemas......well...... it can leave me feeling a little bruised, suspicious, angry and sad. My example, which can embody some of the more powerfully negative conversations my mother and I have.....

I am reading a book that my mother lent me called "Eat, Pray, Love" which is very good mind you. As with anything spiritual though, you have to be in the right place to kind of accept and absorb what it is trying to convey to you, otherwise, what would be the point?. Anyway I got to a part of the book that was overwhelming and just put it down for a day or two......then I picked it up again and kept reading but then had to put it down again. I am not worried about this. It is, after all, my process.

Mother - "How are you enjoying that book I lent you?"

Me - "It is great but I had to put it down for a little while."

Mother - "Why?"

Me - "Some of the emotions conveyed in the book make me feel sick in the stomach and give me a really tight feeling in my head. Don't know why, just some emotions, especially HOPE, make me feel bottomless and suspicious."

Mother - "Well, you will lose the thread of the story if you stop reading it for too long."

Me - Don't worry mother! The story is unfortunately burned into my brain as I can think of little else and feel like s#@t because of it!

Mother - (disappointed, mildly disgusted and more than a little angry) "HHHMMMM!"

Heres the clincher.......

Mother - "She was 34 when she started on her difficult quest to nirvana" (This woman who wrote the book travelled all over the world and lived in an ashram and ate lots of food in Italy and then went to live with a medicine man in Bali. Very nice to read but not what I am even the slightest bit interested in doing). "You must get to the end of the book as it is a story about HOPE."

God, after I had just said that thing about HOPE! Should I claw my eyes out now or later?

I love my mother dearly and often she comes out with some real pearls of wisdom. We have healed some of our wounds but she has only been back in my life for 5 years. When I was diagnosed bipolar last year, she really pitched in and tried really hard to be understanding.

1.I have survived(so far!) 3 mental illnesses/diagnosis,
2.Raised a child single - handedly with said 3 illnesses,
3.I have coped with thyroid and adrenal problems,
4.I am writing a book whilst house-bound,
5.I have held good jobs in the past,
6.I am well educated,
7.I can cook,
8.I am a perfectionist,
9.I am well-mannered and versed in all manners of etiquette and grooming,

And yada, yada, yada!!!!!!

And you know what my mother is thinking....... when are you going back to work and when are you going to finish your science degree?(I was doing a Bachelor of Applied Science with double major in Forensics/Microbiology when I got sick. I can really see me doing that right now!)

I am going to become a lazy, obstinate, rude person and scratch my armpits and pick at my toenails in public every chance I get.

In reality, I am starting to like who I am. My T says LIVE BY YOUR VALUE SYSTEM, NOT YOUR MOTHERS! (sorry to shout.....i am reaffirming). Good words from a good woman.