PND,  . i so sorry for the terrible things that have been done to you. i am glad you felt safe enough to post here at pc about these events/traumas. i care about you.
please know that you deserve to have loving people around you. you are of value. i've read many of your posts. i'm glad you are here with us. many of us do know the feelings you are experiencing. i hope our sharing with you gives you validation of the pain you feel. keep in touch with us. 
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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