I think, as for myself, I can say things that are way out of character to the person I used to be before my BP surfaced, when I'm at either end of the spectrum. My brother is not used to being around me that much as he doesn't live near me, so he hasn't had much exposure to the person that the BP (chemical imbalance) has changed me to be. My sister, who does live near me and to which I have a lot of contact with, is well aware and used to the way my BP affects what I do, how I react, and the things I might say. She'll often tell my brother, to whom I have more contact now, "remember it's the disease you're talking to, not ------". She's right, I'm not the same person at all before my BP surfaced a few years ago. My brother does not recognize me as being the sister that he grew up with. I've changed, and not in a small way, and not for the better.

Another example is that when I'm not in a depressive state, I can see that I have some good qualities about myself, but when I'm in a depressive state, which I am now, and very often am, I don't see any of those good qualities at all, my self-hatred has increased enormously. The distorted thinking caused by my chemical imbalance has taken over the way I see myself and even more so, the way I interpret the written word. It is a dangerous thing for me to communicate with someone only via the written word and not in person. It so often leads to problems with the other person. When somebody sends me an e-mail, etc, I either read things very literally or quite often read something into it that is not even there. But I see it and it doesn't matter how often I read it, I only see it through my own distorted thinking. This usually leads to problems between myself and the other person who wrote whatever it is to me. I'll never see the true meaning of what they intended unless they can either find another way of explaining what they're trying to convey or sometimes it can only be resolved by talking with the person directly in person or on the phone. The written word is very difficult for me. I so very often can put a whole different spin on something than what was intended by the writer. Sometimes when I read something that upsets me, I'll email it to my sister and ask her to interpret it for me because I'll never see it how it was intended to come across. If it is a post on a msg board, sometimes I'll ask someone else to read it and explain where I'm making my mistake but sometimes, they see it the same way as I do. I wish I was better with the written word. It gets me into so much trouble with relationships, often causing their demise. It is extremely frustrating for me to not be able to understand the true meaning of what is being said to me. Inevitably what happens, if this occurs enough times on a msg board, people will start to shun me and dislike me. I then feel alone, isolated, rejected, hurt, frustrated, abandoned. It will always affect my mood swings, sending me straight down to the underbelly of the abyss, often with urges that I have to fight and sometimes losing out on and I act out on them.

People have very little patience with me. I'm not 'easy'. They'd just as well write me off than to work on the misunderstanding with me. I'm too much work. I'm dispensible. I'm rejected. I'm abandoned.

This is my BP, this is not the me that used to be but the end result is that it is me that is being rejected, not my BP. They don't make the distinction, they couldn't be bothered, life is too short to waste it on someone who is 'harder' to deal with. I HATE being BP. It's ruined my life, it's taken my life away from me, it's taken my friends away from me.

Sorry, I didn't mean to ramble or go off on a tangent. I'm not even sure I even answered your question in the way in which you meant it. I'm very depressed right now, I don't understand a lot of the time when I'm in this state. Maybe I shouldn't even be on a msg board since I'm dealing with the written word.

One other thing, when all this happens, it also has a negative effect on the writer. It leaves them feeling hurt, frustrated, shaking their head wondering what they did wrong, and high-tailing it as fast as they can out of my life.

I guess, I should not get into any threads with 'real' subjects to them, but only ones that are light or just offer support to others, although that too gets me into trouble.

Damn, I'm still rambling. Is that a symptom of BP? I have it perfected.

I apologize for my long and probably useless reply that has probably nothing to do with your question. Just ignore me.