I read your initial post, and through this thread. I have nothing to offer other than digital support I suppose. Nothing jumped out at me like oh hey this will help, because I don't think that's what you were asking for. Mental illness is tough, it's not easy to live with. That I can relate to, and if that's part of what you were saying then I can agree with you. Some days are better than others, so I hope better days lie ahead for you.