my heart goes out to you. it sounds as if you're in a tough spot right now. but you're also in a pretty important spot as well. Don't cancel on your therapist. That's just another way to avoid and withdraw. Depression is really hard to fight, but avoiding and withdrawing only worsen it. You mentioned a med provider... are you being honest with this person? Because you said you were trying to tell your therapist that everything was going well until the day before you posted. If you're not being honest, it's pretty hard for your psychiatrist to help you. I do know it's hard to say when things aren't going well, but try opening up a little. Your psychiatrist can try a medication adjustment. You need relief from the pain you are feeling. I would just advise you to try not to withdraw, and to be open. Hospitalization doesn't have to be the only option. If you are taking an anti depressant right now though, it sounds clear its not working for you, so I would try to get in to see your psychiatrist right away to make an adjustment. I hope you find some relief.