A lot of the comments here have been very helpful. I have admitted to myself that the "not caring" started with feeling angry and disappointed about not being able to take the PDP.

Not just writing that it started there, but doing my best to allow myself to really feel the anger and pain in my body and admit that it is there, that it needs to be acknowledged and in some way dissipated. I think acknowledging it helps to get rid of it, too.

I still feel angry and sad but I think it is better to acknowledge that and why than to have that voice of not caring running through my thoughts.