Boy what a difficult situation. I'm a firm believer in No means no PERIOD. I also believe that you have the right to change your mind about whether or not you want to have sex no matter how far along in the act you are.

Even give these things, I don't think you were raped. You did say no, then proceeded to give him oral sex, several times. This really is how misunderstandings happen. I agree that the smartest thing to do would have been to get up and leave. That would have made it clear to both of you how you felt.

It sounds to me that you are very confused about your feelings for J. You have to know how you feel before you can expect someone else to know.

If you disagree and believe this person has violated you, there is nothing on this planet that should make you even concider being in the same place with him. It sounds very much like you need to place some value on yourself and your wishes.