Hi, I am new to this site. I came here because I really feel like I have no one to talk to, I feel so lonely and sad and I just don't know what to do anymore.
I guess I'll just say a little about myself. I am 19 years old and have been taking medication for depression since I was 14, I struggled a lot with anorexia as well as cutting but have been in therapy for a couple years and these things have improved a lot but lately I feel I am slipping back in to some anorexic behaviors and have cut several times since starting college this fall.
I feel so sad and so incredibly alone and I hate myself so much. I hate looking in the mirror when I get ready in the morning or seeing photos of myself, I feel so incredibly worthless, like I can't do anything. I don't feel like anything I do is ever any good and I often think I should have never been born. I used to really enjoy art, now it makes me so sad to do it because I just feel like I am horrible at it and why try. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere, since starting college I haven't really made any friends. I joined a sorority but whenever I go to meetings I feel so out of place, like I am an outsider intruding on everything. All the other new members fit right in to the sorority and made many friends but I don't connect with anyone and I have no one in the sorority or anywhere else on campus who I can talk to or just have fun with. I want to change so much about myself. Every day is the same and I have nothing to look forward to and nothing that makes me happy. I feel so inferior to everyone and I feel so stupid for even writing on this board because I feel like there are so many people who are in such worse situations then me and I shouldn't even be complaining or feeling sad and my problems are just stupid. I don't even know how to explain how I feel right now but I feel everything is pointless and I am so incredibly worthless and I want to just curl up in a ball and disappear. I guess I just need someone to talk to. I just don't really know what to do.