I am not sure I can take this anymore. My heart aches, I feel exhausted, emotinaly drained and like I am just slowly spiraling down. I try so hard all day to be upbeat and social at work with those I work with so no one will catch on that something is wrong but truth be told I think it just drains me more but I can't let others think something is wrong I can't risk losing my job and have already had to take sick leave the past 2 years. I have pretending everything is ok at home as well or at least ok, hiding the fact how bad things are till yesterday when at my therapist she asked my how things really were and when she finally dragged it out of me she left me with 2 options to be hospitalized or to call my mom and to fill her in so she knew I would be ok. After she pulled the truth out of me and left me with 2 options neither that I liked or wanted to agree to I couldn't talk and spent most of the time crying trying to say something with not much being able to come out. At some point yesterday my T said that it is often like pulling teeth to get information out of me which has left me thinking maybe therapy isn't working maybe I should stop or at least take a break. Shes right if I can't open up and speak about what needs to be talked about maybe I shouldn't be in therapy. My world is falling apart, my heart is crushed, I feel exhausted and yet somewhat numb. If I stop seeing my T then do I stop seeing my med provider who is in the same suite they work together, Maybe I should just try going off my meds and not seeing my therapist maybe a new approach would work. Maybe I just need to do something different and there are only two options that I can think of. Oh I just want to go somewhere and hide. I don't know if I should email my therapist before next wed and cancel the apt to at least take a week off, should I tell her I just need time. or should I just not show up. Can she force me to see her? Then there would be explaining to my mom who I live with why I wasn't going. I feel so trapped. I feel like a kid. Oh if only there was another option. Does anyone have advice has anyone been in this low of lows before. How have you gone on. I want to cry but even the tears I think have dried up. Even my breathing feels like it hurts at this point. I am sorry I think I am rambling I don't know what to do I'm afraid if I stop typing then things will just get worst. Falling apart and not sure I can pick the pieces up maybe that is just how it just supose to be.