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Jan 11, 2009, 01:56 PM
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Member Since: Feb 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 19,686
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Everyone gives me so much to think about!!  Thanks for everyone's responses.
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Splitimage - Yeah, the bus strike is still on. Seems like it'll be on forever. I'd love to find more meetings to "expand" but it's hard when my only motivation to do that is when I can't actually GET anywhere. I mean, I take a TAXI to school and I'm not made of money.
Chemically versus psychologically addicted... I like that. I'd agree too. Maybe I'm just worried that if I start drinking again that I'll use it as a way to "escape". Wouldn't be the first time I took something "harmless" and misused it.
My brain likes to rationalize everything unfortunately. Maybe that's a good reason to continue to go. I really do want to get myself to an Al-Anon or CODA meeting just to see what it's about... but can't do that without buses! Sigh.
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NWTR, didn't confuse at all! I do think having a social network of people is a good thing for me to have. I tend to isolate and I know that's not good. I'm just having a current issue where the friends that KNOW about me doing AA are all 'encouraging' me to go. Basically they seem to want to force me to go without seeing it as a choice for me - not the be all and end all solution. :S
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Capp - you're right. I do sometimes give myself a "way out" or a reason to do something stupid that I'll regret. I know I'll have to think long and hard about the possible repercussions of drinking if I ever decide to start again. But for the mean time, I actually don't mind not drinking. It's a novel thing to not need to drink when other people around you are. I find it amusing (I admit it) to watch other people get intoxicated and make a fool of themselves. Maybe because when I did drink, I'm the worst lightweight and totally would do dumb things. Like falling all over my guy friends. Oopsies!
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madisgram - I do intellectualize. I guess maybe I am trying to research what my options are for long-term recovery... without the alcohol, because although I miss it - I don't actually miss the effects. Just the different tastes actually, oddly enough. I'm weird like that... anyways, I'm glad I'm not at the "YET" thing because I do NOT want to go down that road. I have enough problems already to deal with, so why burden myself with a self-chosen problem?
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StrawberryFieldsss - Thanks. I know that a lot of people my age drink a lot... and drink a lot more than I've ever done or will ever do. Maybe I am in a recession, where I'm choosing not to drink. I'm not going to punish myself if I do decide to drink again but for now - having the extra cash and not gaining the extra weight really does make me happy. Oh, and I'm a control freak, so having control of this really actually makes me happy.
As for my friend... I think maybe that is the case. I just wish he'd take a look at himself and his behaviours, because it worries me as his friend.
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