hey, i didn't point any fingers. i told you my overall impression. when someone tells you this kind of story and the first thing everyone says is "why didn't you leave?" it sends a message. i think it was insensitive.

>And that's what it's all about minimizing our risks! Some things are beyond our control, but it is just plain irresponsible not to minimize them when you can!

yeah, but if you don't, it's still not your fault. saying that someone is irresponsible is the same thing as saying it's their fault. walking in the park at night does not give someone the right to rape you.

it's the real, imperfect world and we should do what we can to protect ourselves. but she is not "responsible" in any case!

anyway, jb, i would probably not go the party if I were you. maybe in a while you can go to these joint events and keep your distance and ignore him, but now it's too soon, and you have to establish a boundary. if they want to cancel it for that reason, well, let them. or if it's not too late, have it somewhere else and tell him not to come.