mandazzle I am so sorry you are hurting so bad. If something really bad happened, you truly do need to talk to somebody, somebody to help you work through it. I know it feels like giving up is the only solution, I've been there so often. Please, know that you can message me anytime and I will listen. If this something bad that happened has to do with your safety, I urge you even more to find someone to talk to. Sending hugs your way.