Hi Christina,
My story is very close to yours . I used alcohol to escape my emotions and it was becomming an alternative for me. I black out easily. I have all the makings of becomming one . I have always been aware and vigilant about alchohol . long story short the important thing for me was that I meet the requirement for attending AA. That be the desire to stop drinking. I have come to the realization that for me to drink is always bad news and has been .
I made a deepining commitment to myself Christmas day . I picked up a chip that marked my time . I began goig back to AA meetings in the fall of 2007 the chip marks my deeping commitment to not drink for my reasons . Im not gonna share what the time was . Sure some may question why or how .
it really doesn't matter . also there are people who pick up six month chips who had 12 years prior. I never judge a person by the time or thier chip at all. It is one day at a time for me and its one day at a time as to how I live my life how I treat another and how my emotions get dealt with. I may have abstained from alchohol . Not sure if I have abstained emotionally.
it does mark my time of working the program and I fall short of how many work it. I have made the effort. .
you do what is in your heart for what ever color it is, your gonna pick up, You make it yours . I have to say there are some poeple who had five days . and for them it was hard won. with alcohol it thankfully was not that difficult for me like it was in another areas. But the commitment to not drink in the face of everyone else will and could be difficult for me . It has in the past so I need the support to abstain . Plus its just a great program . period. great people a blessing.
Congradualtions in advance , Christina
Patricia
Quote:
Originally Posted by Christina86
Wow. Not that I'm counting or anything.  Okay, I'm one of those people who CANNOT for the life of me live for today, I live for the celebrations and anniversaries... it works for me. I'm a reward-driven person. Since I get a chip if I drag myself to a meeting that week, I'll be thrilled. 
Now... here's the situation. I haven't been to AA since last year. I'm thinking it was November. Simply because the snow hit, the woman driving me to meetings drove me bonkers and I just did NOT want to go. I didn't have time as a student and I couldn't be bothered to hang out with a bunch of older people who assumed I'm a "raging alcoholic".
I'm not. I've just got an addictive personality, and I had inklings to abuse alcohol when I was in a bad emotional headspace. Switching addictions can do that to you... anyways, yeah. I never drank excessively or for many days in a row, but apparently if you talk too much about alcohol with uptight friends (they are on some things!) then you're labelled as having a problem.
I don't deny I have an issue with alcohol. So I stopped drinking. Fair? My friend dragged me to my first meeting. I continued to go because I actually knew someone at the meeting (yay, oddly enough).
But I just didn't see the importance of going weekly (definitely not daily) because I don't WANT a constant social group of people with the same problems as me. I'm easily triggered by discussions of stuff, so it's easier to AVOID the triggers than to try to sit through a discussion on something like that that bothers me.
Understand? People still following?
Anyways...
Which brings me to my latest dilemma.
I have almost 6 months of sobriety.
I haven't shown up for probably two months. During that time, I survived Christmas and other stressors *by myself* perfectly fine.
So... should I even be going back? Have I "outgrown" what could be useful for me? Am I even open to it being useful? I own the books, I know the steps... but organized stuff like that drives me insane.
One of the people I know (who drives me insane and probably is an alcoholic... but he's sometimes a good friend when he's not being a jerk) found out about me not attending the meetings anymore.
He seemed "concerned". Then he quite literally "pinky-sweared" (immature, yes) me to go back to the damn meetings.
And I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE TELLS ME TO. Especially since HE SHOULD BE GOING.
Irritating to see people around me who have a worse problem than me who refuse to admit their problem and won't seek help but expect me to...
I loathe that part of dealing with people. I'm a control freak, I admit it. I admit I'm codependent. I admit I'm easily affected by other peoples problems, alcoholics included.
And I feel really dumb writing this all out, so if someone has the urge to smack me upside the head - feel free to do so. |