gosh that sounds so much like me some years ago while struggling with alcoholism.(i've been sober for some time now) i kept saying i just want to be normal.
anyway, we all have challenges that are posed in our life. some of us have mental disorders/illnesses. unfortunately they don't go away all by themselves. many of us choose to take meds because it enables us to function more "normal"..whatever that really is. for instance if i don't take my meds i will go downhill into depression, mania, etc. so i choose to take my meds. if you are feeling scared about not taking your meds it's perhaps because you know they help you.
you can always discuss this with your T or pdoc on the next visit or better yet schedule an early appt. to cover this in your session. meanwhile it might be wise to start your meds again...just in case they really are helping you. hope this helps you.