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madisgram · Jan 12, 2009, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by _sabby_

Oh good gracious.....what a loving and kind person you are for taking this on.

I believe you have absolutely every right to expect that things will be put into place for safety reasons right up front. Safety for you and for your ex...most definitely. Are you also requiring that he be in therapy while he stays with you and stays compliant on his meds at all times? Where is your son in all this? Will he be a part of his father's team in caretaking etc. or will he just be barking out what he expects from you?

Sorry if that sounds rough....but goodness, your responsibility for your ex ended when the divorce papers were signed. If you are to take this on, you have every reason to put into place good, strong boundaries and rules.

I would tell him that "my plan" is to make sure that everything is set up and in place BEFORE the ex moves in and to find a way for your ex to pay for it since it will benefit him. You should not have to fork out your own money to provide for the ex. You are already giving more than you are required and son should be ever so grateful! (as should the ex)

I wish you well with your undertaking. Prayers going out to you all.

sabby

(((sabby))) thank you so much for the validation.

you understood where i was coming from and i so appreciate that.

i'm going to reference your post if i feel i need to again. i'm on a limited fixed income and on disabilty so i felt paniced when my son replied that way. and was shocked.
my son called me this morning and i believe my 'healthy' email worked. i had explained to him just what you said in the email. yay. so hopefully this was just a samll snafu and not a prediction of more things to come. i am anxious for this to go well so i can give david a home..more normal environment. he deserves it.
i am planning to involve him in a psychosocial group twice a week. three if he can afford it. he will be seeing a psychiatrist regularly. the only thing i'm not sure of is whether he would benefit from individual therapy. i've researched this and was surprised to find that some pdocs and psychos. don't recommend this for someone as ill as dave. i'm hoping to be involved with his pdoc so perhaps better meds will make him less delusional. i'm all for him having therapy. i sure benefit from it. so what do you think regarding this after reading this input to your question?? also does anyone else have input?
thanks for reading...