Sorry to jump right in, and sorry it is so long.

1) We had gotten into a big argument, so much so that I stayed at my sisters for a few days. I finally called him and asked if we could talk he said yes but was going out with his parents for dinner. He would call me after. Around 10 I called him he said he was still there. Around 10:30 I called him, he didn’t answer. Around 10:45 I sent a text saying I was going to bed, but I couldn’t sleep. So at 11 I called, still no answer, sent a couple text no answer. So I thought well, I have to talk so went to his house. He wasn’t there. This friend of his lived a couple blacks away and close to on my way back home so I went there. His van was at her house. I called him, no answer. I sent a text stating I was outside, he did not answer and did not call back. I went back home. I sent several text, asking what I had done, and finally I just went to sleep. At 1:30 my phone rang and hung up. It was from her phone. The next day around 5:00 pm he sent a text saying if I want I could come over. I did. We talked. But I had a hard time getting past this. He swears they are just friends, but my question is why did he go there instead of talking with me and why would he be there all night? (From this he called me a stalker and said I was crazy. What I would like to say is yes I showed up but after he didn’t answer his phone and he knew I was there I left. I did not go to the door, I did not sit there.)

2) Few weeks later, I leave the house to be at work by 7, I get to work and found I got the day off. Thinking he would still be a sleep, I didn’t call I just went back home. When I got there I found her there in his bedroom with the door locked They were just talking, but it still seemed weird to me that she would be there after I had went to work. In his defense here, he shared the house with a married couple and so most time was spent in their rooms.

Note* He says they are just friends, but since this last he says he doesn’t talk to her and I believe him.

3) Current - Approximately a month ago, he got a Trojan on his computer. He wanted me to fix it, so I told him the night before I am gonna be on your computer tomorrow. The next day I get on, and was doing a search when I hit the wrong key a singles site came up in the previous searches. So I checked out where they went and logged on to his singles account. In there it had all his information and said he was seeking a woman age 34 to 35. He is 55, I am 47. When I asked him about it he said he didn’t do it, then he kept saying he didn’t type the info in then he said he was just trying to get into live sex chat. I had a hard time getting past this also. So I started checking his emails and his computer, I knew when things were deleted and what things. I knew where to look. I would ask him, he would get mad. But after we would talk he would say he understood and would check mine if he was suspicious and I should check his when I feel I need to. (I use to play an online game, and my accounts are still active, I was on there for many years hardcore so have a lot of friends. But when I got on he would question who I was chatting to, and get upset so I quit playing or even logging in. The last time I was talking with this family I knew on there, the husband, wife and their two kids and this bothered my bf. I am stating this because he gets upset when I talk to a family and yet couldn’t’ figure out why I would be upset if he got on live sex chat. He kept telling me it is normal and I over react.)

4) I still did not feel right checking on his, the other day again I had to do work on his computer, while waiting for a down load on his I noticed a picture of a girl he says is like his daughter I believe she is also around his daughters age In their 20’s), anyway in the picture the girl was barely dressed. I asked him about this he said she sent it to him to send to a guy he worked with. (my thoughts on this is if that is the case, why keep it? And would you keep something on your phone that was like this if it really was your daughter?)

5) This last weekend, we get in another argument because I found a few more things I was questioning, only this time I was looking. He asked me if I checked everyday, I said no, which was true and he got extremely mad and called me a liar over and over again. He finally got over getting mad and we talked yet again.

Ok, that is a few things as briefly as I could state them, I would like to say that during our arguments he always says he is not doing any thing wrong and I should trust him and my issues are from my past. What I would like to say is yes I do have insecurities, and trust is a major issue with me, however I am recently divorced and as bad as things were in my last marriage I always and to this day trusted my ex, never felt the need to check up on him. I state this to show that if I didn’t have reasons then I am able to trust. During several of our arguments he said we should go to a marriage councilor and yet when I finally set up an appointment he got furious.

When he is with me all my suspicions go out the window, he doesn’t watch his phone for messages, He doesn’t leave the room to talk and puts his phone on speaker a lot of the times. He has given me all his passwords. We have a very active sex life and take baths together every night. We even watch porn together. He says he believes we are soul mates and I need to trust him. I honestly don’t few he is cheating but I feel his actions are what make me feel insecure. We are a lot a like, a lot different. We spend hours talking, on a regular bases. He always picks up on when I am upset and ask me until I tell him so he is attuned to my feelings.

So I have a couple questions as to what I can do, I love this guy dearly, but can I trust him? Am I over reacting? Too insecure? How can I trust him? What can I do to get past this? The only other thing I probably should add is I am severely depressed..