My gut instinct is for you to please take your time...
I believe it was mentioned about talking to the chaplain of your unit.
Honestly? I think it's great that you are here and sharing with us. I'm glad you are getting these things out and seeking direction.
In real life, though, it is so much different and better in many ways. It's easier to help you to work through these levels of emotions and events when you are face to face...

Re-reading some of the posts;
"She told me that me opting to go to Japan was the "final straw" and "made her cheat."

No one makes another person cheat and dishonor their vows.
Sorry, but that is my opinion.
It may have caused her to get angry, but using that as an excuse perhaps means there have been issues for awhile.

Perhaps you still have feelings for her and do want to try and work things out...it will be tough but it can be done.
You have to decide if you do love her enough to forgive the infidelity and the lies, and learn to trust her again.

No decision has to be made yet, ncguynva.
There is no reason to rush into anything before you are DEROSd and talk face to face. Eye contact and body language show many things...
Jmo, but it will give you a clearer idea of many things.

Don't get down on yourself, speak with the chaplain or other available counselor, and be honest with yourself about the anger you are most likely feeling...

I mentioned the anger because of my daughter's (boy)friend. They are taking things very slow because;
His wife cheated on him with his best friend when he was serving his second tour in Iraq. He was devastated first and then very angry.
He did seek counseling because of his 7yo daughter.
His life is calmer now. He left the Army so he could be close to his daughter and be part of her growing up.
Basically, he had to start a new life--he was in the Army for 13 years.
He has shared with me some of what he went through...

I do salute your willingness to look at as many angles as you can...but...you still need to protect yourself while things are getting settled
jmo

Cap