Well I just took a big risk and one that may cause me to have little options but I just sent my therapist an email similar to my post here with a little more involved updating her on how things are since last wed. I told her I now I took a big risk by sending her an email but since I can't seem to get the words out but on paper right now I thought she should read this. It may be helpful that she now knows how bad I am feeling since I am afraid I will not be able to tell her on Wed oraly without losing the ability to speak. I am scared that she will be able to use the email against me to hospitalize me but on the other hand I am really starting to feel that is where i belong again since I am feeling so unsafe. I just can't aford it with my job yet I am having a hard time making it through the day at work. No one has noticed yet but I don't know how long I can keep up going with everything is ok when I feel I am dying inside of sadness, anger, depression, anxiety and fear. So thats what I did tonight for better or worst. I will update you when I talk to my therapist. Thanks for your support I need friends right now just to make it through the nights.
Andy