Christina,

In the beginning I hated going to meetings. I didn't like listening to all the "losers" whine about their pitiful little lives. I used to count the bricks on the wall just to keep myself in the chair instead of charging out the door.

I absolutely detested all that idiotic hugging. It was all fake, that was my view of all displays of affection from anyone at that time. And geez, some of them were soooo stinky. Uck and gag. Freak me out, would go home and shower sometimes.

Somewhere between 90 days (my group gives this chip) and 6 months I realized I was jonesing for another chip. Why would I care if I received a chip. It mattered but I couldn't say why. I hadn't figured it out yet.

By the time I got the 9 month chip the answer was that I needed the support of these stinking losers if I was going to make it. Of course my perception had changed and I knew they were all winners. Here's what I decided and it still applies.

The odds of me drinking again are dependent upon what I chose to do. I can make choices that make the odds go up or go down, it's up to me. What do I base my choices on? Partly on fear - I don't want to return to what it was like - I don't want to lose my spouse who couldn't tolerate me drinking again. The other part is based on statistics.

I've done the research and the ones that remain sober are the ones who don't drink, go to meetings, use a sponsor and work the steps. I avocate going with the odds that favor success.

There's a lot of discovery in recovery and you're just rounding the bin. Having folks you can talk with is important to keep the odds up. The best people to have in your corner are the ones who pay the same dues as you by warming up a chair in a meeting!

There are online meetings. Not quite the same but they could suit your needs with the strike and all. Congratulations on 6 months, that's a long chunk of time. Good for you.

notz