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you said you would welcome any kind of feedback and i have a little. i am middle aged, married and so qualify. my thoughts go a bit different place.
do you know if your wife was ever sexually abused - even in a 'covert' way or overt way - even one time? i resemble your wife in that i have a hard time being close to my husband of 28 years and have a somewhat reluctant view toward sex (unfortunately i had a lot of sexual and other abuse which was very damaging to me, to the point that i suppressed it before marriage) i feel very bad about not being affectionate and more open and free in intimacy for his sake and somewhat for mine.
some things happen to us in childhood and affect us extremely. if you discover or know she had been hindered this way there is counseling and some selfhelp groups that can offer support and encouraging.
i wish i could point you to something more, but i really can't and i just wish you well and hope you can find ways to make your marriage something you both can be extremely happy to be a part of. as for me i do plan to continue getting help for my issues. i do not want to quit or divorce - i want us to have a lifelong relationship that can become better for us both. good luck to you!
leslie
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