why do we feel this way?? all i know is i am so confused. my mom has dealt with depression, my two older brothers, and then me. I took some psychology classes at college and the teachers all seem to think that there is no proof that there is a chemical deficiency.

then there are people like a psychiatrist that says it is like diabetes, i have to be on meds for the rest of my life! I am so sick of paying for my meds that never really worked in the first place.

Sometimes i feel really jypt because it seems like i was given 4 short months of happiness(first starting my meds) and then boom! i am back.... it just gets worse all the time. i am seeing a cousler, but what i am dealing with, she says that i have to find what God sees in me and turn the lie into truth. I am having the hardest time with that. I seriously don't know anymore. I have grown up believing in God, but now just going to counseling makes me feel so bad.

I am dealing with a lot of guilt, i don't know where it is coming from!! i guess i am so sick of this depression and that i see no hope anywhere. i am just so confused and frusterated with everything. I also feel like i can't remember anything anymore!!!!