I don't know what i could do that wouldn't be negative or scary - What else could I do?

In the end, I worte that really long post and wen to post it but because I'd been signed out it got deleted and that had helped, but because it got deleted, i just felt even crappier. GRRRR!!

I didn't sleep well last night at all.. I woke up from a doze at 7, thinking it was still 2am, which must have been when I'd fallen into a very light and restless sleep. I remember lying there thinking 'why aren't I even tired yet, why aren't these meds working?!' It took me almost 4 hours to get to sleep. That's not normal at all.. So in the end I only got..4/5 hours sleep, which is good for me, but still not good enough..

I'm so tired and weak today.. Yeah, weak because I'm still starving, but also because I'm just so damned tired! It's making me ill i felt so sick yesterday and last night when I eventually fell into a doze, I fell into it with a headache and when I awoke from it this morning, I still had that blasted headache!
I had a cup of tea to wake me up a bit, give me a little bit of energy, but apart from that, the rest of my day consists of water.

if Alec finds out how little an amount of calories I'm living on, he'll make me go to the SWEDA meetings, and if I don't stop, he'll have to take further action and I'll probably end up doing an outpatients scheme or something, or even going IP. But I won't let them do that, i'm not going into hospital for it, whether they like it or not.. Connor says I've lost weight, but i don't believe him.. In the shower last night, I was squidging the fat and it was horrible.. Ugh! Just thinking about ti makes me want to throw up..

My finger, the burn.. Is looking pretty yucky, but should clear up soon eough with this cream and the dressings and such. If not, it's a trip to hospital o get it sorted I guess..