hi and welcome to pc! i'm glad you found us. by the way, i qualify, too, so here goes...
have you and your wife ever considered some type of therapy for yourselves. usually a therapist will see you both separately and sometimes together to help you work through things. would your wife and you be willing to go? the right therapist could help you all get through these issues and at least for you , you may find validation and support for your desire to get this marriage back on track.
it sounds like to me that your wife may be depressed. doesn't have to have a reason for this..she may just be depressed. the ice cream, the tv watching,etc seem to me to be avoidance behaviors so she doesn't have to think about her problems/an escape if you wiil from the depression. and the ice cream may be giving her a good feeling just for that moment..then the weight goes on that just causes the depression. like a vicious cycle. now that's shes exercising that's good if she has been depressed. it puts out good chemicals in the mind for a sense of well being.
the fact that she avoids showing anger...there's an equation in therapy that goes like this, anger turned inward=depression.
another thing-some people have just been raised differently...like they are less prone to hugs, etc. my son's wife is like that and sometimes he expresses that he wishes she would do more hugs, etc. however she is a very caring person in other ways.
you sound like an all right kind of guy. i hope you and your wife can resolve these conflicts and keep the marriage intact.
good luck and keep us posted. we are a caring community.