If there's one thing that I've finally learned in life it is that you cannot change another person, only your reaction to them. Is it possible for you to see a therapist to deal with your issues and perhaps learn some other communication tools? Maybe once she sees how well you are doing she'll want to join you or go privately herself.

I would suggest if you enjoy giving her more attention, flowers etc. Do it, but not expecting anything in return, but because it is something you enjoy doing. Gifts with strings are not gifts at all.

How is she with the children? Is she affectionate with them?

Try a different approach, accept her and love her unconditionally the way she is now. Can you do that? I do understand that your needs aren't being met, that you are feeling very insecure and are perhaps lashing out at things that are easy targets. But as a woman, I've put myself in your wife's shoes. I would be very hurt and offended if my husband did these things to me. It would take a very long time to trust him again. Have you spoken to her and asked her what you could to to make her feel more secure in the relationship?

Some months ago my husband and I were having a discussion. He makes the same mistakes he's made from the beginning. I was expressing how frustrating this was for me. He made a comment the that took me off guard, he said "I don't love you in spite of your faults, I love you because of them." I have to say, the one thing that I've been sure of in our marriage is that he loves me unconditionally.