Boy can I relate to a lot of what you've been staying about your current state of mind. It's kind if where I'm at right now too. I don't have any advice to give because I can't work out these same problems that I'm having either. Are yu currently on meds&have a t? Why no spiritual belief? Just not your thing or have you had negative experiences? I'm in a "New Thought" church called Unity that's been a real boon to me since I joined in July&I'm starting to really feel a sense of community&a real push for self improvement-they focus on this.
Just keepon keepin' on-best wishes&hugs