Yes, i gives me a huge sense of control.. Okay, I have eaten today, I had 4 people on my back about it and I just couldn't take it, i almost broke down to the last person, but I'm still restricting :S

I'm going to drink loads and loads of water and eat watery foods like salad and watery fruits, along with the occasional bit of chocolate at the end of the week if I'm good. Connor's helping me with this.. I spoke to him and he said he's going to help me with it all, come shopping with me and such and make sure that I talk to him if I start to feel bad about eating and stuff..

I have posted in the ED forum.. I'm still a little worried about my meeting with Alec though.. I feel drained and probably look it.. He's going to ask about it and I guess I'll explain. Especially with such a long day ahead of me tomorrow, I'll be drained by then.

But, I'm going to try and remain cheerful for tomorrow up until our meeting, then I'll try my hardest to show him how I really feel because he knows now that I cover up :S so he'll either see straight through me, or get me to sit and think about how I really feel and tell him the truth.. So, that's going to be hard and I'm guessing I'll be avoiding his eye contact a lot because I hate looking people in the eyes when I say how I really feel because I'm scared of what I might see like sympathy, or something..

Idk, maybe I'm just overworrying, but.. At least I ate something.. i feel like going in throwing it back up, but I'm trying my hardest to keep myself distracted.. And I'm going to drink lots now because I haven't had anything to drink all day apart from a cup of tea this morning and some squash when I got home.. I just hope I don't fall into that ED pit... Even more..