It is extremely difficult to Love another if we don't Love ourselves...

Addictions/Obsessions and the physical results of them are part of the spiral of self loathing. This process is compulsive and leaves little room in the emotions for outward feelings...We become stuck in our own hells which are self perpetuating.

Like others have shared,,normally trama is the root of self destructive behaviors. Your wife's health is fragile by your description, thus denial has some control over the continued process..

Even our best intentions are often skewed when trying to identify and resolve the circumstances you describe. We are too close to the problem...

Others have shared the advice for outside help and I can't adequately express the priceless value of this counsel...

None of us are getting any younger and it would be tragic to add shame into the mix for not taking advantage of professional help to save what you describe is a wonderfull marriage between two special people...

Picture your life and marriage as a six foot hourglass with a fixed number of marbels in the top...In your mind watch the marbles fall and take a quick peek at what may be left at the top...

Waste few....I have peeked at mine...and make every effort to take my own advice...

The very best to you and yours...

Lenny