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Jan 13, 2009, 04:35 PM
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Member Since: Jul 2008
Location: east of the sun, west of the moon
Posts: 2,259
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i did not want to post. i do not want to post. but, i am going to post. darnit. i feel abandoned and really scared. spouse will be gone for an indefinite time between 10-14 days. i will have little contact with him via skype and i feel desolate. i hate feeling this way and hate acknowledging these feelings. he is so stressed on the job and this is the 4th trip in 9 months. he has no reserves to spend on reassuring me and he denies existence of our alts. we are sad and lonely in here. growing up, for what that was worth the parentals were there every day and my dad only ever took 2 small business trips and mom left for one surgery. consistent though negative sometimes seems better than alone...
have just finally admitted how badly i treat myself and my inner folks. strongly suspect it is programming and right now feel unable to dismantle and replace it. heck, i can't even get out to buy a coloring book for my littles much less food for us all. if this sounds whiny, i do not really care because i am scared. i do not want to take care of myself and that makes me furious because it is going to destroy our body and then what will we do? i wish i had someone inside who could help me - the host to take care of us all better. i have a pretty complex system of systems of alts and it is just tiring to even think in here. ok. whiny time over. i guess i am asking for reassurance or compassion or i don't know what. i am so sad.
leslie   
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