Hi Gleak,

Boy, this is quite the situation. Having been a caretaker for individuals myself, I have some fairly decent incite into what it takes and what caretakers boundaries should be. I also see something you have done here to set her up and I'll discuss that a bit later.

First of all, setting of boundaries with clients is a MUST. One cannot be a "friend" of a client. There has to be a clear cut line that should not be crossed by client or caretaker. Granted it is hard to do at times because caretakers are usually in this kind of job because the want to help others. But helping others also includes teaching them healthy boundaries. So far, it doesn't sound like she's been able to accomplish that for whatever reason.

I'm curious as to why he would even have her cell phone number? When I was working with folks, I NEVER gave them my cell or home number. They had emergency numbers to call and then I would be called from the agency if need be. I'm even more curious as to why the agency allows him to be at another home for so many hours on end? If he is there so much, then what kind of effort is she putting into the home she's working in? This is a concern in my eyes.

Now, I mentioned that there was something you said/did that I wanted to comment on. The fact that you told her that it was her decision whether or not to work the extra overtime, when in fact you did not want her to do it at all. In communicating with folks, one must say what they mean. If you leave it up to the other person to make the decision, you must be ready to accept their decision and not hold against them if they decide to do something. You cannot expect her to make the decision you want her to make if you do not say what you mean. In other words, you are telling her one thing and expecting another. That is not fair to her. That was setting her up for a fall if she made the wrong decision (what you perceived as the wrong decision).

I understand how hard this can be for the both of you. I truly hope you can find a way to work through this issue. I wish you both well!


sabby