i on the most part of what you say totally understand, particularly the fear of being alone in every sense of the word. i can only try to say dont beat yourself up too much about not going, because in order for you to actually bother to write about not going, shows that really you are very bothered about not going, or you wouldnt have even bothered to give it the time of day on here. and at the same time of wanting the crap to stop, it is like you want someone to help. it does my head in having to go to therapy, and listening to them and them trying to make me think better about my selfworth, when all the while im sat there and its me that has to do the donkeywork of changing how ive been brainwashed by myself and others for years, its hard to undo years of that in a few talking sessions.plus it is sometimes like hassle.

i am fearful of being alone too. and i may be wrong, but the fear of being alone doesnt just mean your boyf leaves; i get fearful of doing the donkeywork alone too. what if you try and think, well, i didnt go this time coz i needed a recouperation from it, but then do actually go next time?
and then dont feel guilty because then there is a ligitimate reason for not going, but definately do go next time and set your mind to think i am going to the next session wether i want to or not at the time? or is it that you are upset because you have missed one session, and coz only you knows yourself, you know that you wont go to anymore now coz not going once has set the wheels in motion not to go? but you are obviously bothered and wanting to go on the one hand, or you wouldnt have mentioned it.