TY to everyone for the hugs. I'm just so lost right now. My physical pain is in check right now. I don't go back to the doc until May 7th. It rans in cycles. I'll hurt for a couple of days, then be OK for a week or so. We are trying to pace things in T. Feel like we are going at a snails pace. We have started with some of the memories that aren't so overwhelming. But it seems like even the small stuff is overwhelming for me right now. If this is one of the less tramatic memories then what are the others ones like? I know it will get worse when we get into those memories. My T has told me that there were several times that we were sexually abused by more then one person during different episodes. Think maybe that knowing this is making me scared. That this is something I'm going to have to deal with and I feel like I will need to deal with it soon. Like it's something that is bubbling up and wanting to be dealt with. My T has given me things that I can do to calm myself. Most of them work. Just feeling like I need to prepare for what's coming out. Just knowing that you all are here to listen means a lot to me. Most of the time I feel very alone. Right now I'm around, but unable to write or say anything much of anything. I'm not much of a support right now. Just trying to support myself right now. So I'm not much good to anyone right now. But maybe in the future it will be different. But thank you to everyone for the encourgement. I need it right now.