I'm primed for it. Maybe I'm extra sensitive today. Don't know.

Oh, yeah... I said I live with it every day, didn't I? I've been in love with my husband since I first met him 30 yrs ago. We've had our ups and downs for most of that time. We were even separated for seven years. He's been back for a little over two years, now, but he's set down some limits to our relationship. We're "just friends." He claimed at first that there was no room for sex in this new relationship. Fine. No problem, although that was the best aspect of our former relationship. Sometimes he lets me hug and kiss him, (NEVER kisses back. In fact sometimes, he licks my face instead. ) cuddle, but for very short periods. If I ask for a hug, mind you, I have to ASK, it's a rough, peremptory hug. He'll do a withdrawing act (staying in his room, reading) and not much will draw him out. That lets me know I've been cuddling or telling him I love him too much. He refuses any kind of intimacy, like listening to me when I state my preferences in styles of furniture, preferences in how the garden is planted, even knowing what KINDS of plants I prefer. Ok. In short, he doesn't want to KNOW me, my likes and dislikes, my feelings, not even respecting instructions on which worm bed I want fed and which one I don't!!

When I'm out, if I see some little something I know he likes, I'll get it for him... like an earing with two silver feathers. It was about $30, but he didn't even say "thank you." He never thinks of me or even thinks of getting something when I say "OOOH! I like that!" My best friend remembers those things and I may get one for my birthday and one for Christmas. Not him!

This year, a couple of days before our 29th anniverasary, he let me know he was going to LA to house and cat sit for his sister. He would have been gone for "the day." I put my foot down, reminded him that he never remembers me on my birthday, Mother's day, Christmas, etc, etc. Told him I really wanted him to be home for our anniversary. He made it home around 3 pm, started the BBQ and somehow managed to bring up the legal separation papers which I told him didn't mean much anymore. He very seriously told me, on our anniversary, mind you, that they still mean everything to him!

I know a lot of this borders on abuse on his part and stupidity on mine. What angers me and hurts me to the core is that I LOVE this man! The only "love" he allows me to show him is what involves "taking care" of him; like his meals, his laundry, reconciling his checking account and cleaning up after him.

What's wrong with me???