[quote=tifferific;918985]It's just that it has just been years and I went threw some awful crap to get to were I am right now that is really goofed up. And one hour is so hard for me to start to open up about stuff that I've detached from or stuffed. I don't know why I'd want to anyway. The truth is - guess it doesn't matter why i do what i do just that I change it. I just just haven't seemed to beable to. My nurse says that I'm doing better. - guess I'm not almost dead plus point. But they arn't in your head. They don't know that evert day. Your looking for something, that can't be reached. And the emptiness and fear is far worse when you are so so then when you are starving totally and numb.[/qu

i dont really know what else to say, but if your nurse says you are doing better, even though in one breath you think you havent been able to, but for your nurse to say that, in some way you must have achieved something with your 'illness'.

is there a simple answer to why you do what you do, other than the obvious ones that peeps would say of not eating? what i mean is do you know the real reasons why you do what you do?