hi sparrow and welcome to combat ptsd and pc. your story sounds so familiar to me as I read it. I have seen many many vets over the years tell the same type of things you just did. please do feel free to post and feel safe here with us. I am going to put a trigger icon on your post just in case it might trigger others but it is ok really. please know you are safe here. the only thing we do ask is that you try to refrain from excessive cursing otherwise we are all good to go here. much love and peace to you my new friend!