[(((ceepei))) i'm sorry this happened to you.it sounds like ptsd to me too. could be some depression there also. when we have stuffed something for so long that can cause depression. i can't even imagine having to go through something so traumatizing.
i am so glad to hear your children are in touch with you now. they love you. and you need to love yourself. have you considered therapy? with what you've gone through i'd consider it. you have a lot of feelings to process and therapy can be a safe place to do that. you didn't do anything wrong. you were trusting and that's what marriages are "supposed" to be about.
hope you will consider therapy. i always prefer a phd psychologist but i'm sure there are other degrees out there too that could help you.