I can tell I'm swinging down again.

I am irritable, no energy, hungry all the time, and just down right not myself. On Sunday I just about bit my Grandma's head off because she was going on and on about her stupid gift credit card that she was just sure had money on it still and I was trying to explain to her that she had used it the last few weeks when we had gone out to eat and she was arguing with me. I finally just shut down. I about just started to scream at her but figured I didn't want to make a huge scene in the middle of Applebees.

All I want to do is lay on the couch and when I do I just kind of stare at the T.V. not even really watching it just kind of staring at it.

Today was the first day since Sunday I took a shower and that is soooo not like me. I normally shower every day. Sometimes several times a day. The only reason I showered today was I was going out in public and didn't want to smell. I have a huge phobia of smelling bad when I am out in public.

I tried to tell my T today when she called me back how bad I am but couldn't get up the courage. I mean I'm not suicidal or anything but just empty inside. I feel like an empty shell of a person walking around.

Jan