Let me try this again as the first one got lost...

[quote=ncguynva;919124]"Good housewife/housewife activities" might just be a euphemism that you were already aware, but had not admitted it, that she was being unfaithful. It's much easier to place blame on it than to admit you were betrayed... Actually no, it was she said she was going to be a housewife and when we were engaged she said she wanted to go to college before we had kids. I am not trying to hide anything when I said "housewife" or "housewife activitives". I was referring to picking up around the home and I was not expecing a shiny palace, just a place I would'nt be embarassed of if we had company come by unexpectantly.

***I am sorry that I did not make myself clear.
It's sometimes easier to look at something else because the real problem is so painful...a coping mechanism I've used often.
It was not meant that you were hiding anything...

The other side of the coin is that many women are not the housewife type--I'm one of them. No one can can eat off my floor, but ya won't get a dreaded disease. And that is what I was wanted....if i brought home the bacon, and she REALLY wanted to be a housewife in order to become a mother, the least she could do is be a decent housewife. Many times my buddies came over and they asked me if the apartment was always lke this. I told them it was and they responded with "Well what does she do all day?"

***It was a comparison...some women are "light housekeepers" and others are the full monty.
My SO and I compromised about a clean kitchen. I usually kept it clean but he cleaned it after he filleted the fish he had caught. Give and Take.
I'm sorry that she didn't honor her end of the compromise.

A reaction to my mother's style of housekeeping that you could eat out of her toilet! That is not a joke...
Many times compromises can ease things, sometimes it won't. Yes, that is something that we were trying to comprimise on, but after it was brought up to her, I discovered that she had been seeing guy friends and lying about it. So needless to say, it was disappointment after disappointment.
***and for this I am so sorry.
It must have been incredibly embarrassing and frustrating when she did not fulfill her end of the bargain and your buddies couldn't help but notice and say something.

It honestly doesn't sound like housework was the ongoing issue...perhaps mistrust and having a need to feel some control were/are part of the discord. Control over who or what? I do not like where this is going Capp.
***When I am overwhelmed and drowning in frustration, it gives me comfort if I have even a tiny thing that is in my control. Not controlling another person, but controlling something/anything that eased my feelings of hopelessness.

You are making me out to be a controlling, abusive, psycho husband.
ncguynva, I have never thought this of you! Never. Reread some of my replies where I tried my best to give you support and respect for your determination and your focus.
One of them mentioned that you are a worthwhile human being deserving of respect--or words to that affect.

A controlling, abusive husband wouldnt be depressed/saddened/slightly angry that his wife was not starting college or even looking at college. An abusive husband would want to have all the control over his wife that he could, and i do not want control over her.
***I've never thought you were an abusive husband.
I still think you are a grieving husband...and for very good reasons.

It saddens me that this misunderstanding has occurred between us. For my part, I am sorry.
Sometimes it's hard to read between the words, and apparently I've royally screwed up.

Cap