Rtru,
Well, 9 yr olds have a knack for being manipulative. They often will fib to their parents so they sound like the victim. I have a 9 year old so i can tell you from first hand experience, they arnt as innocent as they claim to be. I would sit her down and approach her as you would someone your own age. I think that kids now a days are more receptive when they feel like they are being treated as a "big person". This makes them feel like they are equal and have a say in the matter.
I would also speak with your mother just as you have done here. Sometimes ( I am guilty of this) tend to put blinders on and not realize I'm doing something until someone brings it to my attention.
I know this situation is extremely frustrating for you and I am sorry. Please keep us posted. Take care.
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