Quote:
Originally Posted by ThePainNeverDies
I've eaten,
the guard just wouldn't drop. GRRRR!! So got even more frustrated.. I got home feeling frustrated that I hadn't cried and cut again,
So, I'm trying to help him with that. Which is another added pressure on me, I know.. But I just can't help but feel like I need to help him, need to be there for him.. You know?
I tried my hardest not to put a front on, there were a couple of times when I felt my face completely relax and drop into a frown when I was upset and such, but I tried my best to keep as much eye contact as possible.. So, I feel a little better for telling him the truth.
I just wish that i didn't put myself through so much pain.. But I just.. Feel like I'm failing everyone at the moment and like I deserve to be punished for it.
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TPND, I'm glad that you have eaten and I hope that you eat today.
Sounds like you are being really tough on yourself about therapy. You are at, where you are at. Can you try to accept where you are at (with being guarded) and just work from there? You are where you are at because of your experiences. Fighting it and hating where you are at can just make it worse. There are very valid reasons why you are at where you are (because of your experiences). Accepting yourself and then understanding yourself is how you will be able to make changes that you want.
Remember that you have to take care of yourself first and then you will be at a better place to help Connor.
I like that you let yourself feel what you needed to/was honest around Connor! Good work!
Why do you feel that you are failing everyone? You do not deserve to be punished!
