Quote:
Originally Posted by JudeeB
We DIDers have many different experiences. I heard someone talking in my head for years and thought it was normal and later on was surprised to learn that others didn't. Due to life stresses and some spiritual experiences my alters who had remained unknown started to surface. I still didn't see that as a big problem. It was only when one of them got suicidal that I was hospitalized and diagnosed. I was aware of some, and totally unaware of many others.
It was only when things began to unravel that I was made aware of the blocks of lost time. I was 44 at that time. Little did I realize that an alter named Mamma Jude had pretty much raised my children, another alter had been the one to get me away from an abusive husband. My group of alters had helped me get through life. Due to depression and the emotional wounds of my childhood I was a loner with no family so my world was very small. No one to question or even notice the diffeences between alters.
My experience may not be exactly what they write about in text books but that's unimportant to me. I was a victim of SRA, the DID saved my life. And in the past 17 years I have met many other folks with DID and no story is alike. Please don't doubt yourself if you don't fit what some Dr or book says it should look like.
So many of my alters held terrifying memories and needed therapy to overcome what had been done to them. I even had to go to a de-programmer to get free of some of it. Mine was a faith based therapy and it worked for me. As they were healed, I was healed.
Even in my healing I don't match what many so called experts say should be the goal. I have four alters that chose not to integrate and we live in harmony. For years the goal of the experts was total integration. Well, that's my choice, isn't it?
When my system unraveled it was due to being triggered and then the floodgates opened. I had prayed for years for it to be revealed why I was such an emotional mess and boy, that prayer was answered. I'm thankful for a wise, loving counselor who worked so hard with me for almost ten years. The truth was revealed. It was scary and painful and chaotic but the healing was there. I wouldn't give up. I wanted to be free to have a more normal and productive life.
Not every therapist is trained or right to work with patients who are discovered with DID. Finding one who is can be a challenge. They are the problem not us! We don't need to hide our truth to please them. We'll only get sicker if we try that, in my opinion.
Hope something I've shared is helpful to you. Our reality, our tuth is what it is no matter who chooses to believe or not.
Judy and company
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Judy and company
THANK YOU
for writing your experience and this post most of all....I have and can not tell you how much people try to squeeze there mold into a one size fit DID box to dx themselves sometimes!!! YOU CAN'T myself included..I think sometimes (from personal) experience it's our way of trying to escape having to deal with the fact that we have this (illness) I feel it's a gift (not at the present) but I know it's saved our lives...SO I appreciate you bringing awareness to this issue...I think it's important to do research and to definetely get t's or dx's from dr.s who specialize in DID trauma and go from there too...Cuz allot of t's will dismiss it or cast it off as something else allot of times...Anyway's I just appreciated how well put your post was and I cannot put my thought's out like I want to write them there way to scattered as you can totally tell
but anyway's thank you,
MC