Stella,
You're story mirrors mine. The mind is an amazing thing, and can supress memories it believes are harmful to us. The memories of my sexual abuse were suppressed until I was in my 30's. Even though the actual abuse was supressed, I knew I harbored a hatred towards my abuser. At the age of 32 , I developed a serious drinking problem and entered into treatment for alcohol abuse. This was long-term treatment (a 12-18 month program that went to over 24 months for me because I had to recover from surgery to remove a melanoma that had penetrated my skull and was invading my brain) Anyway, it was around the 18 month stage that the abuse memories came back. I think it was because I was in a safe place and trusted and loved my treatment providers.
I know you're scared, I was too. But I can tell you that the work that I've done on this with my therapist has made my life so much better. It's not perfect , but so much better than what it was.
Stay strong. And welcome to pc. You're in the right place here. Lots of great support.