You both were responsible for the breakdown of the relationship; however, you are only responsible for your own actions. You didn't "cause" her to cheat, didn't "make" her cheat. That's the same thing as an abuse victim saying, "I shouldn't have talked back, I made him mad." This is one of the hardest thing you will ever go through in your life. How people handle adversity and challenges is rarely known until adversity and challenges occur--you are in love with the woman you married, not knowing how she would handle the challenge of you being gone. Being a military wife truly is the toughest job in the military, and not everyone can do it. She has to decide whether she can do it or not and you have to decide if you believe that she can. ****sigh****