I went to therapy today and talked of how I have been emotionally numb. After I left, I had a complete breakdown and cried for the first time in about a year in front of a total stranger! I normally do not lie because I hate the feeling that comes along with it (guilt, etc), but over the holidays I was extremely depressed and went on a web site and used my debit cards from three banks which didn't have enough money and used them for "entry fees" for playing games on a legal site. I felt so guilty, I didn't even tell my therapist and I think I actually blocked it out and believed my own story that the cards were stolen (although I knew inside they were not), and reported them stolen and went as far as making a police report. It was not large amounts of money, but the one lady at the bank kept pressuring me and called me on it and I broke down and cried after about 45 minutes of denying it. I was so ashamed and I apologized and spilled my guts about my new diagnosis and meds and my life and I actually thanked her for making me cry!!!! Thank goodness she was extremely understanding and offered to set up a payment plan but said I needed to face the other banks and she would help me, but I am so scared! I don't do things like this! She said she believed it was an escape for me because of my situation and was very understanding and told me that I should come to church.........I'm losing it, and don't understand what is happening to me! I really appreciate all the responses because I need all the help I can get at this time. If not for my kids, I believe I would not care right now if I lived or died. I want to believe I will make it out of this darkness and get back to normal. I don't want to live like this anymore. I'm so scared and ashamed!