i'm so sorry for all you've been thru hangingon. that is really some rough stuff for a child to deal with. please know none, absolutely none of it, was your fault. you were just a child. it sounds as if you are doing tough work already with your new t. please be patient and gentle with yourself. in time you just may be able to let others in, especially t. it would be crazy not to be scared after some of the things you've gone thru. don't give up, ok?

btw, sometimes i take sam-e as a supplement to my anti-depressant and it works really well and very quickly. i saw you mentioned maybe taking that in another thread awhile back.