After years of med changes, I have eventually been labeled this. My pdoc initially took me off all ADs and tapered me down to only trileptal at this point. He's encouraging me to look at non-pharmacological answers, and at this point its all he talks about. Meanwhile I am more miserable than ever. I ODed on benzos around christmas and spent a few days in ICU that I have no memory of. After that I am no longer allowed to posess medication and my parents dispense it to me like I am a child (ill be 24 on tuesday). Anyway, to my question. I've done hours of research on this refractory bipolar depression, and it seems like all the treatments point to using an AD with an antipsychotic or mood stabalizer. Thing is, I want to try an AD again since it's been over a year since I had to stop due to cycling issues. I just am almost ashamed/discouraged from even asking because he seems to have totally sworn them off in my case. I DON'T really want a physical treatment like VNS or ECT. But everyone around me acts like I am ungreatful to not be willing to try anything. I saw my pdoc today and gave him a pretty long list of medications I had read about treating this, which resulted in brief talk and then nothing. Its like he doesn't want to give me anything. I feel I am being given no choice. I'm just desperate and at another breaking point, I just need some kind of help here. I'm not in therapy anymore, and without a friend to my name and family in denial, I don't want to be back in the ICU again. Any advice?