Wow! I cannot believe this issue was just posted! This is an issue I will likely be discussing in my next T session. One of my MAJOR issues is privacy. I want my "stuff" to only be disclosed by "ME". In reading what you wrote I immediately thought about how I would feel if my spouse started to disclose personal issues to my sibling. If I found out about it, I would TOTALLY flip out and be angry with both my spouse and my sibling. If my H thought information needed to be disclosed to a family member then he should at least tell me..."I think your brother/sister needs to know about what is going on. If you don't tell them I am going to." At least then I have the option for how the disclosure will be handled or at least know that I might need to provide my side of the issue to insure some balance. Maybe .... this response is associated with my mental pathology... so take it for what it is worth. I understand Sunrise's comment about substance abuse or child abuse. Maybe it is OK when the issue affects the health of others. If I have a medical/psychological condition, unless I am totally incapacitated...I should be in control of what is disclosed. IMO.
If I were A, I would be pissed that my spouse of airing out dirty laundry among family members without my knowledge/permission.
Here is a situation I am facing:
In my marriage this privacy issue has created a lot of problems between my spouse and I. I have repeated told him that I prefer to keep my issues/our issues between us. Yet he continually discloses information. It is to the point that I have instructed my medical practitioners NOT to disclose any information about me to my H. I know this sounds like I am being a real jerk but...I want privacy and for whatever reason he has repeatedly violates that request.
He talks to his brother and friends, and even my friends about
everything: His back pain, his GI problems, our finances, family member's bowel conditions, problems with our children..etc Most recently I heard him on the phone with one of his buddies, talking about how his brother was crying and carrying on about some issue he is facing. As he was talking to his friend he made a joke about it saying..."that boy has problems, he needs professional help, I KNOW, he can see (
my therapists name)! She will fix him!"
Since in the joke he used my therapist's name, and his friend laughed, it was VERY clear that my husband shares MY PERSONAL information with his friends also---and likely not in a very compassionate way. This infuriates me!
How do you handle someone like this? If you tell them...hey, I really would appreciate it if you leave me out of your locker room conversations...he does it anyway. If you tell him...My health/mental health issues are personal, PLEASE do not discuss them with others... He still does. Why do people do this? If you simply exclude him from knowing...he becomes not much of a partner. They are not doing it to help someone, to better support someone... it just... to talk/make fun/have nothing else interesting to talk about/just like to make some else look bad. Is it some type of addictive behavior? I don't get it, what do they get out of it????
Sorry...for ranting...guess I have some resentment about being on the other side of this issue :-)
sittingatwatersedge, when you reflect on the conversation...what do you think your brother or sister-in-law's motivation was to disclose to you? Did it seem like he/she was trying to reach out for support for himself/herself? Were they just warning you that something big was about to erupt within their family so you weren't caught off guard? Did it just seem like they were gossiping? Why do you think a T would be telling him/her to inform family members? I know we've covered this issue in another thread...maybe some T just give this advice....My T has never told me to talk about my marital problems with friends and family.