Yes, you're right.. I don't trust. And when I do end up trusting, it turns out I've trusted people who drop me, or get me into trouble, or whatever. I've learned now not to trust anybody at all, with anything. Not anybody. Not even my boyfriend's tutor who is saying "come up and see me sometime, to have a chat, catch up. I want to know how things are". I can't trust her, I so wanted to tell her in the email I sent her that I'd cut on Wednesday night, but I just couldn't.. The only person I told about it face to face was my hypnotherapist, Laura.

I hope my T will help me with trust issues, because I'm even like it with my T, he knows that now, because I emailed him one of my posts from here, and he read it and it was all about me saying how I was scared he'd see how I really felt and such and that I never really told the truth about how I felt, I'd just say one feeling I had that wasn't major, like tired for example and he'd say "you've not been sleeping well, again?" and I'd say "No, I'm exhausted." And we'd expand on that.

Only recently, after over a year and a quarter of seeing him, have I opened up to him and said how I really feel, have I actually stopped myself before answering straight away, thought about it and then said how I really feel. only just recently. It's crazy, I can't believe how long it's taken me and I'm being so hard on myself again, for that.. I just can't seem to help it..

I have a huge headache and I have had something to eat and drink today, so I don't understand the huge headache.. Maybe it's so much of an overload of thoughts.. I'm a bit panicky about my grade 8 singing exam, because I'm doing Habanera, Carmen. (If you don't know what I mean, look it up on youtube) which is a french song, quite popular and really difficult, so my nerves are flying everywhere about that at the moment.. And i have to choose a duet to do with a guy in my group. With an acoustic guitar in it and drums, or just acoustic guitar. Any ideas??? I have to do 2 arrangements of it :S