Hi, workingitout, and welcome

I commend your honesty and willingness to try and understand what's happening and seek help for it.
Also, I'm sorry that you are going through this...

The VA

it was a nasty word to me for a long time for different reasons, but I do know their efforts are minimal and nearly useless--but there are ways to fight for his benefits.
It's common practice for PTSD to be intentionally misdiagnosed and to over medicate.

Have you heard of IAVA?
Iraq/Afghanistan Veterans of America. They have a website that will give you information and help in fighting the VA but also other resources.
They are politically active with their top priority to see that the veterans get what they need to regain their focus and motivation...essential for having a peaceful life.
There is also guidance to resources for the spouse.

My best wishes for you to find answers to these problems.
From my own experience with the VA--don't give up. Keep at 'em...

Cap