NCguy...I had avoided reading this thread, primarily because of the opening title..."Understanding=forgiveness." I DO know about understanding and forgiveness, even when I was the naive one being taken advantage of. Even in those situations, however, the one to be forgiven and healed was MYSELF. So I avoided this thread.

Now, having read all the responses...it's a long thread here...I have a few thoughts, though my mind is a bit garbled from all the feedback! I'm going to speak plainly and to the point, maybe even bluntly.

In reading all the posts in this thread, from you and others, it is still unclear to me whether you have children with this woman. You've said she wanted to stay at home and be a wife and mother. Do you have any children with her? I ask, and maybe you answered this question previously, and I missed it. But the issue of parenthood really does complicate things regarding support and money.

Speaking from one who knows what it is to truly love a man (though I am solo today), I can tell you that any man who is truly loved would not have to deal with the issues of infidelity with which you've had to tangle. That, on top of being deployed to Iraq, which is difficult under the most ideal circumstances in a relationship..,you are worried about what she's doing, and who she is with! This wife of yours is giving you a great deal of stress and heartache.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect that a home be kept somewhat tidy, especially if the wife is staying home all day, not working, and has no children. I don't see this as "controlling," but more like it's part of her "job" as a stay-at-home wife. She should want to create a pleasant environment for the two of you. I'm confused on this matter, though...You mentioned her going out with "construction" people. Is this a job? Adding to this issue of the house, I too am no tidy home keeper, but I've found that most clutter can be tidied within an hour or less...not a big chore. It took me only half an hour to pick up the place, wash the dishes and just wipe down the kitchen. When she left me to go see her boyfriends in our hometown, that was teh first thing that I did. She would then come home on Sunday and remark on how good the place looked. She also has said that since my parents and my childhood was so negative and full of spite, I only remember the negatve things. Do not get me wrong, there were times that she dd have a nice cold drink waiting for me when i would come home from a long day of work, and the apartment was kept up, but those were few and far between.

My overall impression is that you are being taken advantage of...primarily for your income. Sorry to say this.

My other thought is about your contact with this other woman online via emails. Not a good idea at this time for you. You have far too much going on to be engaging with another female. You need to assess your present situation and decide what is healthiest for you to do at this time before seeking the company of another! I think it is best that I end all contact with my soon to be ex wife. She won't even take the guy she went to the river with off of her Myspace profile! That tells me right there that she wasn't sorry for doing what she did.
Patty

Thank you

To answer your question, no, there are no kids. I know somebody will get a laugh out of this, but we have a dog. When she went to Richmond, she left the dog with me all the time. When we were fresh, ziplock fresh newly weds, we said the puppy was like our kid. And there was a couple times where she beat the dog by punching him in his face for "not listening to her". She did this in front of me and I got between her and the dog and got the dog out of the room. Then there were the many many times she left me and the dog to go out with her boyfriends. She abandoned us....i dont want that dog in her posession any longer than he has to be.