Reflection,
Thank you, I am actually doing ok this past week. It's more the therapy itself that brings so much up.

In my everyday life, you would never know that I struggle. My friends have no idea, I don't tell them. They know very, very, little about my past. I am quite embarrassed about my past.

I think this is the part I hate, its like I live 2 lives. I hate pretending but the thought of letting people know what really goes on scares the crap out of me. I am always the one they come to. In my mind letting them know would make me weak.

About the part of it not being my fault. My T tells me the same thing, I try to believe her. I struggle alot with that. The reality is I never said anything. I never told anyone for a long time. If I did, maybe it would not have happened for so long.

Thanks for the hugs phoenix hugs to you as well!

Sittingatwatersedge,
Yes my T is there, she hasn't seen me scream yet lol....in fact I think I bore her, I am very relaxed. I don't show much emotion right now, just more intellectualize things but I am starting to share more with her. I imagine it's because I do feel a bit safer with her.

I sure hope things do sink in more before long

Thanks for the hugs ((((((PACHY)))))))

Madisgram,
I have heard about the little girl inside as well. At first I thought it was a crock to, in fact, I still have a hard time with it.
If I were to address her right now, it would involve more anger for being stupid and not saying things, or not trying to be better at avoiding some of the abuse.
I know my T will address the little girl more. Maybe it will sink in one of these days. Thank you for your advice, I know I really have to talk more with my T about this.

I am really glad you were able to connect with the little one in you. I am sure that was pretty scary but healing as well.

Searchingmysoul,
Thanks for the safe hugs, I can always use those kind of hugs, I think we all could use them. Safe hugs to you as well (((((((searchingmysoul))))))